I'm jealous of your bromance
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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