which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
