New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
