Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
