i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
