is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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