don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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