Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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