this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was CRYING into my vagina
my being single is dangerous.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
