Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want to make out with him forever
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
