pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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