just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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