Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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