I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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