remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
