Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
