You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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