i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
