lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well you can't waste a boner
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
