oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
me + whiskey = a bad person
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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