Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
