Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
