i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize