this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
