There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
