Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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