I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
