K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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