Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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