sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
