I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
