if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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