Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
