I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
