I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
