I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
