It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
