Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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