After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
