How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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