i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
