This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
