Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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