Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
