so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I believe in your delicious
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
