so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize