sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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