New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
