if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
