I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
