I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
