Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
