Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
