I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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