Someone shit on the floor
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
