If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In America we eat man semen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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