I cannot find my penis.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
