I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
