my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
