I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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