So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
