I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
