Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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