I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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