this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
