Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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